A New Mini Paper Grump Has Joined the Party!

It’s TREV!

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He’s going for a sprint finish! This is Trev, who every week racks up a formidable amount of miles on Nike+. This guy goes out and runs 6 miles FOR BREAKFAST. This guy ran a half marathon and was really cool and humble about it. This guy had his knee strapped up in a photo I saw when I was drawing him so I hope that knee is cool now Trev!

If any of you out there are grumpy joggers, I could be drawing you next! Either befriend me on Nike+ (Kat Dirk – look for the paper grump profile pic) or send me a photo of you looking super grumpy after your run. (I won’t share it if you don’t want me to. I just need proof you’re part of the Grumpy Entourage.)

In Other Joggy News:

I’ve signed up for a 5k in Cardiff Bay. The Natwest Cymru 5k Fun Run. Why they insist on calling them ‘Fun Runs’ I’ll never know. It’s on the 13th March, so expect a grumpy post about it sometime.

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Spotify + Sickness = MORE GRUMPY.

27/02/2016 – Bad Timing, Spotify.

I was SO grump today. I wanted to go to the Cardiff Parkrun after having a swell time at the one in Pontypridd last week. But after setting my alarm at the ungodly time of 7.30, (on a SATURDAY!!!) I checked to see where the route started. It was at the opposite end of Bute Park to me, one hour’s walk away. I was not going to entertain the idea of a 2-hour walk with a 5k run sandwiched in the middle of it. (That sounds like the worst sandwich ever.) Also, Saturday morning is definitely NOT the time to open up and try to decipher the hieroglyphs of the Cardiff Bus timetable. NO.

So I was DENIED my Parkrun due to lack of proper planning (my fault I know, but I can still grump about it.) I decided to still jog a 5k, and I ended up doing my Bute Park route anyway, so I basically did a Parkrun. Kind of.

I’ve got a bit tired of my music recently (it’s a good play list but it’s been with me these last 100 miles) so I downloaded Spotify and put on some upbeat playlist. It was cool, there was some French rap accompanied by accordions at some point. Weird, but I liked it.

Although I enjoyed the change of audible pace, Spotify ran (heh) into some problems. My jog was coming to the end. Nike+ lady announced I had just 1.1 miles to go: last push, go a bit faster, Grumpy! Move your ass! I was all for it. I forced my legs onward, they felt like lead, but sheer determination and grit was getting me through. End on a high. Yes. But then…

Spotify hit me with a never ending Pampers advert.

“Does your baby love to dance? All Babies love to move and groove. But no baby wants to dance with a soggy diaper dragging behind them! Now your baby can get in the groove without that dragged-down feeling you get after pooping your pants, with Pampers extra absorbent nappy technology! And now! Upload a video of your babies’ moves and win a supply of Pampers Dance-The-Night-Away Nappies!*”

THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU’RE 3 MILES IN AND YOU’RE TRYING TO DO A SPRINT FINISH.

Thanks for nothing, Spotify.

*May not be the actual name of the product.

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25/02/2016 – Running on your Sick Days

This one wasn’t good either.

Basically, what I learnt on this run is… running when you’re a bit ill isn’t pleasant.

I’d been stressed out by some work things at the beginning of the week, and my body had done that classic move of ‘Now the stressful things over, have a period of feeling run down and sick’. Sure we’ve all been there.

This run down sickness was hitting me in my guts. I don’t want to be too gross here, so let’s just say: pooping. Once all that was done with, and the lunch I made had stayed put, I wanted to get out and get in some joggy time in the afternoon. I’m not entirely sure why, but possibly Nike+ guilt had something to do with it. (Y’all need to take it easy with your weekly mileage, seriously.)

I settled on 2 miles for this run, but as soon as I set off I knew it was not going to be fun. I started off very slow. Very slow. Nike+ lady announced rudely at the 0.5 mile point I was going at about 11’30” pace. I mean, was she rude? Maybe not. But I took offence.

This slow guilt meant I tried to pick up the pace, which resulted in immediately getting a stitch, which resulted in me feeling like the poop I’d let go earlier. (sorry, TMI.) I ran past a fisherman who shouted hello at me on my way past. I never get why random people try to communicate with me when I’m out running, I’m wearing obvious red headphones and more importantly I’M RUNNING- I DON’T HAVE THE TIME OR BREATH OR PATIENCE TO TALK TO YOU. All in all, it was not a nice experience, I got home feeling like death, headachey, wobbly, I then sat down and ate a load of Shame Nutella which probably cancelled out any good stuff the run did for my body anyway.

Harumph.

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These last two runs definitely raised me to new levels of Grumpy Jogging. Onto the next.

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23.02.2016 Joggy Lessons

Things I learnt on my jog today:

  1. The sunshine and warmer weather is coming and this is a BAD THING (extra sweating)
  2. It is IMPOSSIBLE to discreetly unwedge your pants in public, you’ve just got to go for it and be proud
  3. Running with a sports bra that is still a bit damp is not something I’d recommend

That is all. Grump on.

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Grumpy Kate’s First Parkrun

20.02.2016

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Today something unusual happened. I went to a Parkrun. I went with a bunch of people. Check them out in this post-run-grump-selfie.

Do you guys know about Parkrun? Go here if you don’t: http://www.parkrun.org.uk/

Basically, if you’re too busy to click the link above: it’s timed 5k runs in parks. Got it? Alright, let’s continue.

I have one of the most wonderful jogging-buddies in the form of Kat, (on the far left) who not only is a wonderful person but also an extremely talented artist. (You can find her work here: http://katnicholson.co.uk/ ) She is a frequenter of the Pontypridd Parkrun and has been nudging me to come along for a while now.

I was a little worried going into this event. The route is contained within a park, no road crossings in sight, which means no sneaky little rest stops for Ol’ Wheezy. Also… I’ve got a lot of Wheeze-Shame you guys. I feel when I puff along, the sounds I make are just horrendous. I feel people might judge me for being out of breath, because it’s SO unnaturally loud. The breathing in part’s loud, the breathing out part’s loud. I have to listen to music all the time, primarily so I can’t hear myself breathing. (Also because running along to stuff like The Prodigy or Rage Against The Machine is awesome.) I realise these are silly hangups which people won’t even notice, or if they do notice, won’t really give two hoots about. But I have hangups all the same.

SO. No stops. No hiding from breathing like an asthmatic, 18-year old dog. Also there’s a slight hill you have to go up three times. So there was a lot of stuff to grump about.

BUT

WE ALL DID IT. And we all kicked ass. I managed to pace myself decently and keep a consistent 10 minutes per mile across the whole run. Park run give you loads of cool sounding statistics when you finish, so it was pretty fun to geek out over those when we got back. Also, Wetherspoon’s Breakfast afterward. Pretty sweet.

 

BONUS! A NEW MINI PAPER GRUMP HAS JOINED THE PARTY!

Kat has completed so many runs through all the monsoon rain that pours down in Pontypridd, so she deserved to be welcomed to the mini-paper-grump club. Here she is in her super snazzy run outfit:

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Lovely to expand my little group of paper joggers. More to come.
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5K PB! 5K PB!!! Sub 30.

SUB 30! YEAH YOU HEARD!

A whisper off of 3o minutes. It’s so close it’s like a movie. 29’59”. Gah, I want to frame it.

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(Heheh, look closely between those two pics, you can see my Nike+ report: “FUCK YOU ICE BRIDGE!”)

Let me explain.

There’s a bit on my route where there’s a bridge which for some reason is ALWAYS puddle-y. And that massive bridge puddle had frozen so it did force me to stop and gingerly walk over it which TOTALLY took some seconds off my time which TOTALLY MEANT I COULD RUN THIS FASTER. Screw you, Ice Bridge.

I’m gonna have a day or two of congratulating myself before I come up with the next goal.

In other joggy news, I will be running my first Park Run this weekend and I talked to a extremely chipper guy in the Queen Street Moti store about joining their running club. Oh god, I’m going to run with… other people. *shudder*

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A TRUTHFUL VICTORY. 1 MILE PB!

I got an ACTUAL PB on my mile time! NIKE+ WASN’T LYING THIS TIME! None of that 8 minute glitch nonsense, today I have achieved MY PURE AND TRUE fastest mile, 9’06”! I chucked together a little celebratory picture below. (Thanks for the cheesy quote, Nike+, it makes up for your wigging out and awarding bitterly false PBs from last time.)

PB just makes me think of Peanut Butter. Now I want some.

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Nike+ Cheated Me of My Victories.

Today I ran 5k in 29.24.

WAHEY! LOOK! A 5K IN LESS THAN 30 MINUTES! WOW, I’M SO HAPPY!

….

…Is what I would be saying, if my phone hadn’t glitched out at the beginning of my run and recorded the first mile as 8’09”. WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE.

But, Kate, wait! I hear you cry. Maybe you were having a great day! You’ve been running a lot this week. You did some sprint training! Maybe you’re just this fast now!

No.

I’ve been running a fair bit now, and I have a pretty accurate knowledge of what pace I can manage. I know if I give it some welly I can get somewhere between 9’15”-9’45”. There’s NO WAY I can magically run a near 8 minute mile BY ACCIDENT.

So safe in the knowledge Nike+ had had a spazzy five minutes, nevertheless I carried on with my 5k. (Bay was very crowded, and deceptively windy. Boo.) It was very ploddy and I was in full grump mode. When I got home my phone was abuzz with all these notifications of how I had smashed my records: fastest 5k, fastest mile, fastest 1k. But they were all lies, and fake victories are the most hollow. Each notification was like a pointy red flag being rubbed into my eyes.

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Nicely Done Indeed. Harumph. Also look at this GRAPH OF LIES:

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I’m going to have to delete this run on my phone. I HAVE TO DELETE A RUN YOU GUYS. (I totally ran though, look, there’s evidence! *points widely at the above pictures*) I have to delete it because when I actually DO hit my target I want those little pointy red flag notifications to pop up and remind me all the grumping around Cardiff Bay has been worth it.

So… onward. 29’24” is outta here. Back to being a slow grump trying to get faster. BUT AT LEAST IT’S THE TRUTH.

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12.02.15 Rob is immortalised as a Mini Paper Grump!

I went jogging with Rob again! Well, I say I went jogging with Rob, but this guy rocketed off and was a distant memory in about five seconds. He ran a very tidy mile of 8 minutes. Pretty slick!

I know I wasn’t able to keep up with that blistering 8-minute-per-mile pace, so instead of trying to kill myself keeping up and then crying in a corner I opted for the strategy of starting off slow and getting faster. Which I did. Managed to shave off 1’12” on mile 2, but I don’t know if that’s because I put extra effort in and ran that last mile fast or the first one was incredibly slow. But I’ll take any victory.

Here’s our post run pic, my hair is doing some good stuff:

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Since Rob completed a run with me, AND has appeared in post-run selfies, I thought he deserved to be immortalised as a mini paper-grump. Yeah, this is becoming a thing now:

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I’m going to draw all my fellow jogging buds. You know who you are! I just need to be powered up by your beautiful faces post-jog. Send your post-run selfies in to Grumpy Jogger, P.O. BOX 1234, Fake Address, Blah Blah Blah. (actually kate.derrick6@gmail.com)

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10.02.16 Eugh, Sprinting.

It’s just the worst.

I’m going to officially announce a goal of mine here: I want to run a sub-30 minute 5k. Now, to some folks, that ain’t no deal. To others, walking 5k is unthinkable. But it’s a goal. There are many goals like it, but this one is mine. And I’m actually really close to getting it! Current fastest 5k time logged with Nike+ sits at 31’12”. That’s 1 minute 12 I’ve got to shave off! I don’t even know if that’s a lot of work to do. Is a minute hard to lose? Now I’m starting to think it is…

I was bemoaning my so-close-yet-so-far-30-minute predicament to my cousin-in-law Neill who is Super Powered Triathlon Man (yes, that is his full job title. He has run about a million triathlons. Running AND cycling AND swimming. Like… my worst nightmare.)

“Why, Neill?” I moaned. “Why do the cruel gods of running deny me this 30 minute goal? How do I get faster?”

(He had just come back from a 100-mile run and looked none the worse for it.)

“It’s easy.” He said. “Do you know what you’ve got to do?”

I shrugged. “Run more?”

“Nope.” He said. “Sprints.”

SO I WENT FOR 2 MILES OF SPEED. 1 mile quick (9’24”, bitches!) , rest, a little bit of slow, then sprint then stop then sprint then stop then sprint then stop and oh my god, it was the worst thing ever. I had keep asking myself if I was okay. My breathing was horrible. WHEEZY. I WAS WHEEZY. People on their way to work looked at me and laughed amongst themselves (okay probably not true.)

It kind of amazed me, that I am at the point now where my stamina has built up to be able to keep me going at a steady pace…. but at a hard pace? No stamina at all!  But I guess that’s the point of sprinting. It feels so gross though!

Here’s my post run pic. Guest appearance from the Millenium Centre.
Bonus points to me because straight after my workout I went into Sainsburys for bread and milk and freaked the staff out with my sweaty face and rattly-old-dog breathing. Yaaaaay

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A paper Grumpy Jogger!

Because sometimes… Writing about it is not enough. You’ve got to draw the struggle too. Had a lot of fun making this little mini grump. Might venture outside for some action shots! Or even add a little paper entourage of joggers! 😀

 

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